Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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