sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
