I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
