i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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