you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
