I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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