I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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