I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
