I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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