but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
