Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just google imaged poop.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You're a waste of cheezeits
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
