You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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