I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
