Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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