My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
