and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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