Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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