He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
