omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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