On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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