Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
