i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
meet me or not, i'm out of control
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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