That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
