we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm at about main and main street
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
