My friends, they love my intelligence
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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