mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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