I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I know her cup size but not her name....
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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