i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
