Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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