that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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