Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
kristin has been a bad kristin
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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