Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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