My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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