u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
