I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
