plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I fill condoms, not promises.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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