He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
