It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
