I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
