another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
