so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
