dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
