I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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