Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
