i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
