It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
