I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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