i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize