I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
