i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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