He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
