Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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