I'm going to jail i love you
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
