Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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