Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Randomize
