I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
