The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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