when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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