y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
