so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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