U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Who died my cat blue again?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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