You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
