Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
