he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
