Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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