When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
