i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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