you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
